Let's spare a thought today for all our candidates facing their moment of truth in the local elections - and not just our candidates (by which I refer of course to the Lib Dems), but all candidates everywhere. Even maybe the 'clowns'.
Think of them because, however level-headed they are - however sensible and charming they are in other aspects of their lives, or were before signing their election papers - they are still susceptible to worrying signs of Mad Candidates Disease.
I haven't been a candidate myself since 2001 (how are you, Regents Park and Kensington North?), but even I fell victim. The good news is that the symptoms tend to recede after the count, and everything can return to normal. There is hope.
But forewarned is forearmed, and it is worth knowing what the symptoms are so that they can be tackled. Probably the key signs that you are suffering from Mad Candidates Disease are a dull and obsessive look in the eye, brought on by lack of sleep and single-minded determination for something you can't quite put your finger on. But also watch out for the following:
1. Your conversation is dull, repetitive and paranoid to the point of fixation. So are your dreams.
2. Despite all evidence to the contrary, despite the fact that nobody from your party has ever won in your area - and despite the fact that you have delivered no leaflets - there is still a small part of you that thinks, well, we could pull it off.
3. Every event, fortunate and unfortunate - from your wife's cancer to your forthcoming lobotomy - is interpreted by you solely in terms of its impact on your own electability.
There are more serious symptoms for prolonged sufferers, but let's draw a veil over these.
How do I know all this when I haven't even stood for election for twelve long years? Well, because I write books and am therefore prone to a very similar condition called Mad Authors Disease. Symptoms are much the same. Despite all evidence to the contrary, despite the fact that your book has failed to make it into Waterstone's and is trailing on Amazon - and despite the fact that there have been no reviews or publicity of any kind - there is still a small part of you that thinks, well, it could be a bestseller.
I may not have Mad Candidates Disease, but I have suffered from Mad Authors Disease for more years now than I care to remember. There is a cure, but it is worse than the disease itself. It is to stop writing books.